Wednesday, May 30, 2007

"If there is a hell - it’s seeing one's unconscious"

I am a very fortunate man. I have amazing friends. I have such good friends that when they perceive an imperfection in my soul they tell me. How I pray to one day be that perfected.
This morning one of my good friends confronted me. I, for some time, had been mistreating him. I had not intended to mistreat my friend. However, I had come off as though “I no longer valued him as a person”. My response was that I was unaware of any intention on my part to do this but at the same point I remain unable to deny that I was in fact guilty of this crime. So the analysis began. I have not even approached the problem in my psyche and I have been working at this all day. What is clear to me is that the unconscious is a deep, disturbing, beast. I have never felt such pain. I am torn. On one hand I know that I must dive into the bleak and stagnant pool which is my psyche. I have chosen to profess a life of chachma and this is the price of admission. Yet at the same time I find that this analysis is so painful that it makes me almost sorry that I have seen this path.

To be continued…

1 Comments:

Blogger Matt said...

I know I haven't yet heard everything you have to say, but a word of advice: be sure you know what you are doing. I do not doubt your intentions, but experience and learning have shown me that processes such as "cheshbone ha'nefesh" and "penetrating the depths of the psyche" are complex and potentially dangerous. Going about them in the wrong way - or even at the wrong time - could create more problems than it solves.

Don't get me wrong: you should definitely think into the problem b'derech ha'nigleh. Fix the relationship with your friend by noting the immediate causes of your imperfection. If that works, harei ze meshubach - move on with your life and worry about perfecting your psyche in another decade or so, after you've gained more knowledge about knowledge, reality, and the psyche.

But if work on the surface level doesn't seem to help, I recommend you take the advice of the Rambam: consult a rofei nefashos. I know two good ones who can help you free of charge: one who lives on Hicksville and one who lives in Seward Park. Trust me, I've used both of them before on matters such as this, and their insight and guidance helped me MUCH more than I could have helped myself.

Those are my initial thoughts, but I will be here to help and comment in whatever way I can.

4:55 AM  

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